i really seriously want to find my rabbit hole. once i find it, i'll hide there and not tell anyone. and probably hibernate for about half a year. afterall i am lacking in the sleeping department. and then i'll wake up, a fresh new girl, with a different set of problems which doesn't have any ties with my past. yeah that'll be nice.

but of course... hiding is a nice coverup for the words running away from problems. i daresay i am coward, not wanting to fix my problems. maybe i do after i'm done hibernating but what if it's too late by then? BUT what if by fixing them now, i'll only be making things worse? hmm. i wonder why i keep putting troubles on myself. my friends say this is normal, like peewee said, what's life without lemons, but funny how i keep on blaming myself. well i can't stop it, not just yet, i guess.

i've never been this... down in my life. i've been through worse shit than this such as losing my friends, failing my o's but those didn't really affect me that much. i thought i was made of tough stuff but i guess i was not. but if there is one thing i hate to feel, it is to wallow in self pity. and take the emo route. that's just loser behaviour. i shall force myself to think of happy stuff. like ninja warrior. or whatever.

anyway i feel like going on a hiatus. not updating my blog, not going on msn, not visiting fb but it's so damn difficult not to! technology ah! and also i'll be going to school so what kind of hiatus is that! unh but i'll think of something. so till then ya old fogeys!